Careful Confessions.

Happy Chinese New Year!

2012-01-31T17:21:00.000+08:00

It has never been the same no thanks to the person who destroyed it.

Colour me pretty.

2012-01-21T13:27:00.000+08:00

The many faces of Chelsea the Beagle.

2012-01-19T13:16:00.000+08:00

The early bees get the dew!

2012-01-17T13:01:00.000+08:00

Flaahhh rahh rahhh. Buh.

2012-01-06T18:02:00.002+08:00

Hi!

It's been awhile since I hurl someverbal diarrhoea here.

All iz good!

It's a new year, and I hope this isthe year I make it big and make myself kaya raya saya!

So. The other day I was having asmoke with my boss and he asked me whether this is what I wanted to do. Iblabbered something unconvincing along the lines of yeah and I think so.

But I just didn't have the heart totell him that I inspire to not do anything / goyang kaki (and still be rich).

~~He will so laugh at me =/ but don'twe all.~~

Okay, let me tell you why I love myboss.

1. He will shoo me off the office ifit gets too late.

2. He buys me cigarettes. Hahahah. Imean, I'm prettttty sure there's something else that I like about him (inregards to working ethics I mean) but wait till it registers in my head.

3. He is cool.

Hmm, some input about my work. Let'ssee. It's something new. Kinda struggling with it, but it's nothing I cannotcope. I wish I did a little better though. I mean, I picked it up slower than Ihoped I would. There's a little language barrier between me and certainparties. My big big client is damn scary and I want to piss in my skirt when Italk to him. But overall it is quite relaxing, as in I either have a lot offree time or a whole lot of busy. Sometimes I wish I have someone to help mewhenever I have to split myself in 2, but I also don't want an assistant. Myworking hours are flexible, sometimes I am pushing it by going in office laterthan I should, but sometimes I leave office later too. Just the other day I wasworking with my boss till 4am+ jaga-ing / inspecting the works. Okay I amanyhow rambling here so I guess my bottomline is : I wish I told my boss that Ilove my job, just that he hired a lazy girl, that's all. O_+

I guess it's time for New Year'sResolution 2012.

I didn't make any last year becausehonestly, who sticks to the NY resolutions anyway?

~~Not I at least.~~

But here goes anyway : -

1. Exercise! I am leading a veryunhealthy life from smoking to drinking to skipping + having irregular mealsand smelling petrol and not exercising and shit like that I can feel myself ageprematurely. =/ So, I'm juggling between buying running shoes or bicycle.Either I buy the shoes and go running with Chelsea or buy bicycle and ridearound my neighbourhood before going to work hohoho so ambitious.

2. Work hard! Recently I asked myheart why it never berkobar-kobar for work. (Didn't get any answer back, ifyou're wondering.) So now I just need to find the time (read : stopprocrastinating) to print pretty pictures of my goals to stick on the wall sowhen I wake up I will feel more passionate about work. O_+

3. Stop my procrastination! Ialways always procrastinate and I just need to kick off this bad habit, whetherat work or anything at all.

4. Stop worrying and start living! Iguess, this will be my ultimate goal. I have always been worrying. What ifthis, what if that. I am so consumed in my pessimism and thoughts and regretsthat I stop knowing how to enjoy my life, and focused and get worked up on theinevitable and unknown. I guess this quote still holds true. 'Dream as ifyou'll live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.' But in addition to that,I would also like to add some. Work as if you next meal depends on it. Sing asyou would in the showers. Dance as if you're drunk. Laugh as if it's thefunniest thing you've ever heard. ~~But,don't shop as if you've a billion bucks. Heh.~~

Okay, I guess that's about it. Ineed to ~~go shopping~~ work now.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-04T18:35:00.000+08:00

Wishing y'all a prosperous and successful 2012!
(If no Armageddon.)
=D

So baby raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts.

2011-12-30T18:06:00.000+08:00

I try to say goodbye and I choke.

I try to walk away and I stumble.

Though I try to hide it, it's clear.

My world crumbles when you are not near.

What I want to wake up to...

2011-12-19T14:58:00.000+08:00

Everyday.

For.

The.

Rest.

Of.

My.

Life!

I'm a peacock. U gotta let me fly!

2011-12-14T17:31:00.000+08:00

Christmas Wishlist

2011-12-05T15:34:00.001+08:00

Here's a little list of presents ~~to add to my non-existent collection~~, should y'all feel very generous and decided to do poor me a charity. =D

1. Mulberry Oversized Alexa

I accept any colour! Preferably those eccentric colours, if not black lambskin. =D

I really want a to-go bag where I can dump all 3 (3 you think? Wait till you finish reading this list. Heh.) cameras and every gadget and books I have on hand and not to worry about the bag failing on me anytime.

2. Instax Piano Black

I want an instant camera because I found out I cannot be arsed to go develop my film from Holga from over 1 year ago. =/

3. FED 5B Series

Any one of those cameras! Lookie at the designs! So pretty! And yes, I am aware those are film cameras, but still.. So pretty!

This will be da bomb! Apparently only 5 ever made. =D

4. Iphone 4s

I don't even know why would I want this (I stand by BB) but I gez I'm a hypocrite like that! =D
Because my Blackberry has been acting out on me, and I absolutely cannot tahan phroar! =/

5. Running shoes

I believe the only thing stopping me from going for my weekly jogs is the lack of awesome-looking yellow running shoes.

Of which I spotted at a sports shop whilst shopping with the boy one day. Except.. I cannot remember whether it was a Nike or Adidas. =/ Also, cannot remember which shop. T__T

Okay, I realised that these aren't reallly that affordable, so here's for all of you to buy me ...

6. A pint of Guinness

Teehee. Am I nice or what.

Santa, can yew hear me? I'll email you my list, please don't say you didn't receive it again mmkays?

All previous wishlists here. =P

Because there are no other alternative rant channels.

2011-11-19T23:14:00.001+08:00

So I guess this is a good place to hurl my verbal diarrhoea.

There are so so so many things that I wish I could just unload, but there really is no one to turn to.

I don't trust people with my secrets. But who can blame me when I've experienced the backfire right in front of me.
How do you share stuff with people even when you specifically say not to tell, and hey what do you know, the person went to do the exact opposite; and to add salt to wound, to tell the people that you tell them not to tell to?
Hmm, confusing? Yeah, people are fucked up like that.

Which is a little contradictory, because somehow I trust people too easily as well.
But the trust wane the longer I know them.

Trust. Something you gave me very little credit of of how much I have in you.

I iz back!

2011-11-18T20:48:00.006+08:00

Not that you know, but I drove up to Penang yesterday and stayed overnight before coming back today.

Twas a really long drive, but it felt quite liberating.

It was also my first time driving interstate, and such a far state for a first-timer.

But it's all good. If I could, I would take a picture of me with every signage at the state-line but it's actually quite dangerous coz no stop area; also very pariah to do that when it's only Semenanjung. And I was driving alone, so, no camera-person heh.

The journey back wasn't that enjoyable though. I kept looking at the remaining distance to reach KL, and it's actually quite frustrating coz I felt like I drove 20km but in actual fact only hit 5km. -_-

So I literally counted down to the last km.

Plus, it was raining quite heavily at certain areas and I was quite scared. =/

And I think I drove too long till my back hurts. T__T

SO!

Penang : conquered.

Next stop : Around the world in 80 days!

Evaluation.

2011-11-12T16:01:00.003+08:00

I must tell you, prior to sitting here typing this, I was having a smoke at the porch, already composing what I want to say and how I would like to say it.

But somehow, it would never turn out exactly what I had in mind. For me at least.

I guess jotting down your train of thought in a controlled manner isn't exactly an easy task.

How do I start?

One thing that has been bugging me is my lack of motivation to do anything at all.

I feel really, really, really lazy. And lethargic (that prolly stemmed from my laziness).

I just want to sit put right here, binge on my series and watch the world pass me by.

I would've been contented by it if not for the fear of dying insignificantly.

Growing up, you look at your parents slaving their asses off just to put food on the table and shelter above your head. Shopping at the grocery stores, debating where they could get ingredients for a bargain. Eating at hawker stalls talking about mundane stuff.

And you'd think, I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to wake up just to work, eat, sleep; and that is all there is. I want to do something, anything. Backpack. Volunteer. Something significant that I can say, now I can die happy.

But you won't. You'd have those dreams that you won't make a reality, and you unknowingly fall into the routine that you are too familiar growing up with. You would once in a while, reflect, and think you have to take action before it's too late. But you never. And then, it would hit you one day that it's too late. It's all too late. And you'd die insignificantly, just as you fear you would.

The weather sets a mood so melancholic I cannot help but crave for a glass of wine and just brood.

This is somewhat what I wanted, minus sitting next to the apartment window, overlooking the city while it buzzes you by. And the snow. Let's not forget the snow.

But I guess, sitting in the living room with the morbid weather and a cup of 3-in-1 coffee would do just fine.

I am contented. I have what I want. I guess I could pass it off as settled and going great, if not for the feeling that I could've done more. I could've done better.

And because I know I could, hence the shitted feeling of "it's okay, you are still doing okay despite the lack of effort".

It is hard to swallow the fact that I actually feel guilty for being contented when I could've achieved more.

It's all a vicious cycle.

Does this even make sense to you? I got myself a little confused.

I wanted to go for a run. The lack of sun is perfect, but I'm kinda stuck to this couch.

And that is the thing you see. All these things that I want to do are only wishful thinking, and I would never ever make them a reality.

When I have the time, you won't catch me doing them. =/

Okay, I think I should stop.

I already feel like a failure as it is. I guess I don't need all these to make me feel more miserable.

We'll take one step at a time.

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000+08:00

I'll be 2 steps behind.

You light up my day.

2011-11-08T15:05:00.004+08:00

I caught the lazy bug. Again.

Or maybe it just never left me. Maybe it has been residing, but suppressed within me.

Recently erupted, it is showing no signs of backing down.

I severely lack inspiration and motivation.

Please call me sloth.

Dead end.

2011-10-24T14:27:00.002+08:00

Walk the talk.

2011-10-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

Coffee or Guinness?

2011-10-06T23:13:00.004+08:00

There's this place in Jaya One called The Bee that I went with Arthur for dinner + Guinness on one relatively boring Saturday night.

Nice thing about it is it serves Guinness as well as coffee ~~and forgettable food~~.

So Imma drag the boy there one day so he can have his dose of coffee while I have my drug.

Perfect or what!

Words of a 4am insomniac.

2011-09-17T04:31:00.003+08:00

I think. I have successfully screwed up my sleeping pattern.

Let the rain wash away, all the pain of yesterday.

2011-09-11T00:07:00.002+08:00

Transition.

2011-09-04T19:31:00.003+08:00

Sunset! A minute too late and all I would've gotten is a grey sky.

Just 5 minutes.

2011-08-29T00:26:00.004+08:00

I wanna slap myself for not taking leave for tomorrow and Friday. =/

Worst decision ever made.

Anyhoos.

I need more working clothes. I regret buying so many party clothes, and now I have to slowly kumpul decent clothes for work all over again.

I reckon those that I can wear to work can barely last me two weeks.

Plus, now that I officially retire from partying (Thank you Zouk for your lack of PR skills that helped me open my eyes and realised why did I even fucking bother wasting my hard earned money on you? Oh right, I'm small potato. No matter. I forgot, insignificant customers who cannot spend so much in Zouk are always wrong. Sorry, my bad.), my aplenty skanky clothes are of no use! T__T

Oh wells.

Mmmkays, time to sleep.

Just wanted to blog for a bit.

Heh.

Nitey, world.

Well, Hello!

2011-08-23T22:12:00.002+08:00

*blows dust off*

It's been awhile. *sheepish*

Okay, so I quit my job. =)

And I think it's the best darn thing I've done so far. I feel like I could BREATHE! I feel like there's HOPE!

Hahaha okay maybe a little bit too dramatic.

But honestly, it is kind of a relieve. I've been telling myself that I want to quit my job ever since I first started working. And hey, what do you know. 3 years down the road and I'm still here.

But, I tell myself, when, if not now?

2 or 3 years down the road, I cannot do anything drastic already when I actually have heavier commitments.

I did not quit for the sake of quitting (or did I?). I feel like I need a change. I need to know whether there's something better out there for me.

And so, when I got offered this job, I made up my mind to go ahead without any hesitation. (Those hesitations come later. O_+)

I still don't know how I feel about this.

I mean, it's a good feeling, definitely. But a little bit frightening as well.

I'm venturing into something foreign. Still in construction, although I'm doing an entirely different thing.

I guess I have been in my comfort zone for too long. Which is why I feel like I needed a change.

The thing is, I am trying so hard not to fuck up my current work, because I really just couldn't be bothered anymore with it. But professionalism has got to stick. Major sucks. =/

Ah wells.

I hope all turns out well. =)

Will let you know if I survive. Heh.

I think..

2011-08-07T22:55:00.000+08:00

Something good is coming.

Houston, we got a lil problem.

2011-08-01T14:05:00.002+08:00

I think I may have a little work crisis now.

I've been thinking whether I am doing the right thing. Am I in the right field? Am I heading the right direction? Is this my calling? Is this basically what I have to do for the whole of my life just to feed myself?
Uncouth men aren't as much of a problem as my internal struggle of this love-hate relationship.
Currently it is leaning wayy towards hate. Have been for sometimes now, actually.

My workload is piling up.
Today my site aren't working. I am at site, but I am basically not doing anything I might as well be at home right?
No.
I stayed put, willing myself to clear my workload, to do something, anything!
I don't know whether this momentary confusion (if it were up to me, I might as well call it paralysation) is just a phase, or is it due to my sky-high workload, or maybe pressure from my boss. But whatever it is, it is putting me off all together. I am not keen (for the lack of better word) on clearing it. If anything, I have totally abandoned that ship altogether.

For a while, I had this mentality whereby I don't think, and just do. Don't dread it, just do. Don't worry about it, just do. At least I am clearing off my workload bit by bit. Am I right? It did work, for a moment. But not anymore. I really really couldn't be bothered. And that, is the problem.

I don't mind being a workaholic. If anything I would want to be a workaholic. Because even if I have nothing else, at least I know I have this. My work. My skill. My passion?

But.

I don't look forward to Mondays, as I am sure most people don't as well. It used to be just another working day for me, but now I dread it with a passion. All I look forward to is the weekend. Or going home. Or happy hour after that. Anything but.

Sure, I get lots of motivation and inspiration when my boss talks of stuff, or when I head to meetings and think that I wanna do this I wanna know that. But come tomorrow, it has gone down the drain. And I battle this self-struggle and procrastination all over again.

Why can't I like (I'm not even banking on love) what I am doing now?
I don't hate it to say the least. But I definitely can't find any reason to like it.
Is it the job? I don't think so.
Is it my company? Maybe?
Is this just a reason I give to comfort myself that I am actually just a lazy girl? Most definitely.

4 pictures to sum how I feel. ALL THE TIME!

2011-07-29T23:53:00.001+08:00

True story.

Sigh...

I guess..

2011-07-28T23:25:00.003+08:00

Procrastination and laziness got the better of me. =/

I think it's more worthy of an announcement when they actually don't, eh?

Okay, I think I shall continue letting them consume me.

O_+

Insane lady in the haos.

2011-07-15T22:59:00.001+08:00

So, last week I had the worse PMS ever.

I've never really noticed about it previously, but I've recently came to watch and notice how I feel.

If I feel too down, or psychotic crazy, or too obvious that I think too much, it has been attributed to hormonal irregularities. Haha.

Last week, I got really emotional, so much so that even when I read news about the Bersih 2.0 I was choking back tears.

I got paranoid (much to the boy's despair), super bad mood swings that I actually unleashed them on my friends (which I almost never do).

I cried in the taxi on the way back home. Okay lah, it was silent tears, else the taxi driver must've thought I was crazy.

Almost cried again at home.

To be honest I didn't think much about PMS because I don't remember myself being deeply affected by it. If not, most of the time I was unusually hyper and chirpy. O_+

I guess times have changed. =/

Maybe it's time to stock up those chocolates just in case.

Celebration to life.

2011-07-13T22:13:00.002+08:00

2011-07-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

Needa. Get. A. Grip.

Rolling in the deep.

2011-07-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

I get goosebumps whenever I listen to this song 'Rolling in the Deep' by Adele.

Strikes a chord I guess. Or maybe it's just coz of Chuck and Blair.

Hmm.

Mistakes.

2011-07-06T10:19:00.000+08:00

I keep telling myself that it's okay to make mistakes, coz that's how you learn.

Learn so that you won't make the same mistakes again, when the stacks are actually high.

But the truth is, I cannot tolerate mistakes, which is why I am so critical on myself.

All the brain power that I put into replaying my mistakes and imagining alternative scenarios and how to make the best out of them, could probably power the city for the day.

Sometimes I just wish I could forget, or care less about them.

I wish I just don't give a damn, and couldn't be fucked about them.

But I couldn't, and it's exhausting.

Houston, we have a little problem.

2011-07-04T23:17:00.003+08:00

A little bit of something.

2011-06-26T22:51:00.003+08:00

Went to Zouk last night after so long.
Less than half an hour into the club, my heels broke. Not the heels per se, but more like the strap thingy binding my left and right side of my foot, if you know what I mean. I had a spare pair of heels in the car, but it was too far a distance to walk, and luckily there's a strap at my ankle area, hence I could still walk, therefore I didn't change. Heh.

There was some drama thingy going on last night, but for once, it was nice being the onlooker rather than the actress. =)

Stayed at Oldtown till 6am waiting for a friend to sober up. But it was good lah, had the chance to sober up a little as well before going home, lest kena road block again. -_-"

Wasted quite a bit of alcohol *the horror* by escaping drinking shots (not reveling how, although it would be pretty damn obvious to the sober eyes heh). Think I've turned more cowardly, considering the fact that I would just take them in the last time. I think I've grown up. *tears of joy*
Hahaha.
Okay lah, I think it must be the constant puking and the road blocks and the sudden panic attack when the alcohol hits and I realized I am on dangerous grounds of conking out but still not safe on my bed and still have a long way to go till home.

I can still taste the alcohol now. =/

Had 4 hours of sleep no thanks to the alco and now I'm pooped.
Which is why I'm going to bed now!

Till when more rajin, tata!

Satturdei.

2011-06-18T16:01:00.003+08:00

Finally!

A chance to blog.

It is so hard to resist another cup of coffee when I'm just sitting here in my living room chilling, catching up on my news, resisting the urge to buy more stuff online, doggy sitting the doggies with Russell making un-doglike sounds. O_+

So anyway, I finally tinted my car. Haha after 2 years.

It's really cooling now, but there are some hazy areas and all sorts, but the guy said to wait a week, or 10. Hopefully by then no more so don't have to go all the way there. Meh.

Meant to go Ikea last week but got lazy. Meant to go Ikea today, but got lazy as well. =/

Wanted to go Happy Hour but it's a tad too early.

Did my first medical checkup earlier this week, and happy to say I'm healthy!

More booze please!

Okay, I have nothing to ramble about, so I guess it stops here. Imma go sleep. =D

P/S - Thank you! =D

30 minutes to go.

2011-06-12T23:27:00.003+08:00

So.

I'm officially still 21. Heh.

Good news is I didn't not get drunk! CHAMPION!

Bad news is I'm old.

Didn't do anything special, but somehow I am contented.

Celebrated with people who matters, which was all I ever wanted. <3

Crap, I broke tradition and didn't post my wishlist. But feel free to browse through my previous wishlist. I DULY ACCEPT BELATED PRESENTS!

But nah. I get asked several times what I want. There are so many materialistic items that I want (which will never end), but I have all I ever needed - friends and family who cares, and also the boy.

So I can do without the Ipad2 or Thomas Sabo charm bracelet or that designer bagS.

But I need a house. So can anybody buy me house? Anybody at all? No? =(

Oh wells. But just in case, here's the link. *Click*

Hahaha okay, a little too far-fetched I know. But hey, one can dream right?

Okay, it's officially past my birthday. Today it'll just be another day in my life.

Fairytale fades away.

Melancholy sets in.

Reality bites.

Time to work ~~hard~~ smart to make my dreams come true!

Thank you all who made my 4th 21st birthday a blast. You guys know who you are. =)

Lots of love.

Last year's birthday. *Click*

2011-06-08T22:34:00.001+08:00

I'm not angry, really. I'm just downright disappointed.

Weekend peakend.

2011-06-05T15:44:00.003+08:00

Saw the moth on my chair. Thought it was dead, so I snapped away, only to go out and came back later in the day and realised the moth wasn't dead at that time, but it officially was then when its body sorta laid to the side with its legs up in the air. =/

RIP.

First June Two-Owh-One-One

2011-06-01T20:42:00.004+08:00

Oops. =X

Just realised I haven't been blogging for a while now. Things have been pretty mundane lately. Which is fine by me, because I'd pick boring over drama ANY DAY!

Life is about work lately. But it's not that great either because I can feel myself slowing down, giving half-hearted performance, procrastinating more than I should, and basically just getting lazier. =/

My boss gave me a new project to handle, which is just as well, because yay to the 3 buggers-in-a-team-handling-a-project-but-being-oh-so-busy. But it's good. I should quickly learn as fast as I can then quickly get out of there. Things seems to be moving for the worse, and it's about time to bail. I think my boss forgot I only have 2 hands. =/

In order to finish my stuff I have to stay in late, but I haven't been doing so for a while, neither have I brought work home. I shall not let work consume me, even if it means I'll be bored to death at home.

I kinda miss the feeling of being bored outta my mind at home with nothing to do. =D It is the best feeling in the world, because it means your current dilemma is just 'What should I do?', and not 'Oh God my deadline is yesterday.' -_-

Other than that, well.. I haven't been drinking much, which is good. Yay, more fund to the bachelorette pad.

Current fund status : RM100. Only RM 499,900 more to go. NO PROBLEMO! *cough*

So anyway, I have been scouting for items to buy for my bachelorette pad, like if I see something fancy and would like to have it in my house then I will buy and keep it. Haha which is weird because I am probably not getting a place till like .. 50 years later at the rate ~~the government is increasing the prices and cutting subsidies and no pay raise~~ I'm saving.

My point is, there's this nice painting? that I saw in Ikea that I have been thinking about buying recently, so I guess I'm just gonna drop by there one of these days to grab it. Heh.

I am currently on a Starcraft spree with the boy, playing till wee hours. We're like having a Starcraft bootcamp. I am so geeky hohoho. But it's fun lah.

My Starcraft 2 campaign is on hold for now to make way for the multiplayer. I need to train my skillz ~~or lack thereof~~. =(

Honestly I'm just not a fan of Terran.

Heh.

On a totally unrelated note, I cannot make up my mind to declare my undying love to Damon Salvatore or Chuck Bass. Hmmm.

Haha, although, literally it should be Damon la, since he lives forever.

*lovestruck*

Okay, it ends here. I have to decide whether I wanna Starcraft now or watch Gossip Girl.

Tata!

Pruutt.

2011-05-16T20:54:00.004+08:00

I have been doing a good job neglecting this space.

I have been leading a remotely boring lifestyle nowadays, and to spare shoving my pictures in your face which you would have probably seen them on Facebook anyway, Imma just post one!

This is me at Malones at the Curve, ~~posing for the camera~~ staring into the rain semi-drunk.
I think I've picked up a new hobby (that is related to my all time favourite hobby - drinking) which is to go somewhere and chill and drink and read my news. =D
I never understood why people bother going elsewhere to hog the tables and wifi when they can just do that at the comfort of their own home, but now, I find myself going to a bar and hog the table and wifi whenever I have the free time, even if I am alone. It somehow doesn't feel weird, and God knows I don't like eating / sitting / drinking alone. O_+
I AM A CHANGED PERSON!
Haha who am I kidding really.

So anyways, tomorrow is Wesak Day, and come Wednesday I'll have shitloads of work to do, but for now I don't want to stress about it. I'll just put it off till then and enjoy my rare public holiday. =D
But you know the nagging feeling of discomfort and dread even though it's inevitable?
To say to enjoy my holidays first and worry later about my work is like having that nagging feeling when you go to a party amidst your exam period, because you know you don't deserve to go all out because you haven't actually put in effort in studying?
UGH.

On a separate note..

To stop, or go? That is the question.

Gloomday.

2011-05-09T00:44:00.003+08:00

I should be asleep, but I woke up at 3.00pm just now, and that makes me awake less than 12 hours, and I have to hit the sack already.

And hit the sack I shall!

Heh, this post is so redundant.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE MY BOSS?! Hohoho.

Okay, Imma end this post with a sad reminder that ..
The impending doom that is work is looming strangely close.
Brace yourselves. Okay?
Gudzye.

Updates!

2011-05-04T22:53:00.004+08:00

I haven't been blogging much lately have I?

So.. Let's see.

1. After granny died, I took 2 days' leave thinking I have compassionate leave. But turns out they deduct my annual leave. DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT EVERYONE IN MY COMPANY HAS SUCKY ENGLISH? FOR GOD'S SAKE IMMEDIATE FAMILY INCLUDES YOUR GRANDMOTHER OKAY? (I was gonna post some of the funny ridonkculous stuff ever said, but I fear you guys might die of laughter. Everyone in my company speaks Mandarin and Cantonese [with the exception of the Malays], so I guess I deserved to be laughed at too. =/) So now, I am going to create a ruckus to get my 2 days back. For fuck's sake who the hell has mood to work when someone who practically took care of you when you were young passed away. Damn inconsiderate or what.

2. I got another new role at the office. Now I am officially officially exiled to site. I am an Assistant Site Agent can you believe it haha. It's like asking a gynae to be a surgeon. Sorry for the bad reference but you get the drift. Same field, totally different job scope. What more to say I am somewhat clueless about site operations. The allowance they offered me is so insignificant it's practically how much I spend on my Guinness (which is very little, mind you). It's so insignificant that when Bill Gates drop $100, he already earned more than me just by thinking he drop his money. In addition to working on Saturdays.
How is this fair you tell me.
~~DID I FORGET TO MENTION MY COMPANY LIKES TO EXPLOIT THEIR WORKERS TOO?~~

Ahh.. I guess it stops at #2.
I am contemplating to go site early tomorrow so I can have my yoomy toast for breakfast.
But.. Yoomy toast and extra sleep. Hmmm. Tough choice.

Okay gotta run.

Gunite, mama.

2011-04-26T01:04:00.005+08:00

Mama passed away on Saturday.

I couldn't make it back in time to say my last goodbye.

I guess this is what I have to get used to.

Death.
And also the possibility of no last goodbyes.

I think I have reached this point of life where life itself is vulnerable; where everything no longer seem invincible; where goodbye is indeed goodbye, and not see you later.

I guess it puts a precautionary warning in you.

It's like a road accident. When you graduate from driving school, you drive as if you're a star in Fast and Furious, convinced that you are somewhat invincible, oblivious to the fact that you might meet with an accident, because it never existed in your dictionary. The thought of an accident never even occur in your pea-sized brain. Impossible, you might even think.

Until one day, you get unlucky.

Now every turn you make, you are so sure that the car is going to skid, and you are going to hit something. And when you don't, you count your blessings, and be thankful you exercised precautionary measures.

I guess when the reality hits you that you are just a vulnerable and weak being, that one small move could end your life right there and then, it would suddenly dawned to you that you are no superman.

Life is unpredictable. You don't know what is going to happen the next moment. You think you are in control of your life. Maybe you are right. But can you control your surroundings?

The only constant thing in life is change.

I guess what I am trying to say is .. I am at the stage where I am forced to grow up. Everything is no longer fine and dandy. My biggest worry isn't what am I going to do when I grow up. Or if I am going to win that tournament. Or if that boy likes me.
I am at the stage where I make or break in life; where bills pile up; where diseases and maladies lurk, ready to pounce unsuspectingly; where people around you start to build their own lives, bounded by their responsibilities and obligations; where people start dying.

If only life comes with a manual.

But hey, whoever said growing up would be easy?

P/S - Gunite mama. Sweet dreams. I do hope that you are in a happier place now. I'll see you one sweet day.

Lady Bug!

2011-04-18T19:28:00.004+08:00

I've lost my motivation to blog. (And whine. Which is a good thing, I suppose.)

Actually I'm just really really lazy! But you needn't know that heh.

Okay, update when I got rid of the bug!

Lazy Saturday.

2011-04-09T16:46:00.003+08:00

My idea of a perfect Saturday afternoon (or evening) - coffee cigarette Internet and gloomy weather to boot!
I initially woke up earlier, but no thanks to Mr. Absinthe and Ms. Tequila, I got a hangover without getting drunk. So I went back to sleep.
Had no motivation to wake up because I remembered I ran out of coffee, and also vaguely recalling that I willed myself to wake up to go Jusco to restock my coffee, before giving up and went back to sleep.
And yes, my motivation to wake up during the weekend is my cup of coffee. =D

I am supposed to work today, but it's a rainy Saturday afternoon. Can you blame me? O_+

And hey, whoever knew that I wouldn't lose my drinking tolerance after being deprived for so long?
I crammed whiskey, vodka, tequila and absinthe into my egg-tart-for-dinner stomach.
Heh, sorry, my drunken debauchery only goes so much.

Okay, enough of ranting. I need to get my hands on the latest episode of Vampire Diaries.
Till next time, happy weekend! =D

2011-03-31T00:01:00.003+08:00

They say 'Don't fix it if it's not broken.'

But what if there's a glitch? Then what the hell do you do with it?

Do you throw it away? Or do you attempt to repair it which could either end up as fixed, or rendered totally useless.

It hurts when truth starts to unravel in front of you that the pieces don't actually fit.

I try to keep it together, but I'm falling apart.

Honestly?

2011-03-29T23:07:00.006+08:00

I haven't been blogging much lately coz I don't have much to complain about.

(Actually that's not true, but it's just inappropriate to whine in here.)

I haven't been going drinking much, so no drunken debauchery for me you.

Life has been about work lately. All I do is work, or Vampire Diaries.

Time flies waaayy to fast. I just have to get through Monday and Tuesday, and the rest just flies by way too quickly.

That is how I always see it. On a weekly basis.

I just get through one week after another, and the next thing I know, it's end of the month already.

And so, the question remains.

Am I going to be doing this for the rest of my life?

Just look forward to weekends, and just let life pass me by?

If not, then what?

What should I be looking forward to? What should I be doing to make full use of my youth? What should I be doing?

Because I definitely do not want to do this weekly basis thingy, only to realize too late that I'm already 40.

Then I'll be like 'Wait. What happened there?'

So many uncertainties. So many doubts. So many possibilities.

I guess what I'm trying to say is .. I'm lost. =/

2011-03-19T17:58:00.004+08:00

I am at Starbucks with the boy. Feels kinda weird to be out somewhere at this hour on a Saturday, because I would usually be home marathoning on my series.

And it is also weird hanging out at Starbucks. Because, who hangs out at Starbucks anyway? Well, apparently I do.

Drinking non-alcoholic drinks isn't helping either.

If I have to get fat, I would rather it be due to alcohol than ice blended chocolate chip.

I'M JUST SAYING.

Anyways, moving on.

I've been thinking..

All these times I have been striving hard. Everything I do, whatever I own. It is never enough.

I always want more.

I set a benchmark, I work for it. When I reach there, there's will always be another new benchmark to hit.

But I have never pause and look back, and think how far I've come. How much I've achieved. How well I am doing.

In comparison to some and most people, I would always be under-achieving. I could always be doing more. I could always set a higher benchmark, and be more successful than I currently am.

But with the recent unfortunate event that happened in Japan, suddenly it dawned to me that whatever I was chasing for seemed meagre in comparison.

People are fighting for their survival, and here I am wondering about that designer bag, or my next glass of champagne and Guinness, or buying my own place, or that I am driving a kapchai car.

When in fact, I should be grateful that I have a job (that I have a love-hate relationship with) that sets meals on the table, that buys me pretty clothes, that pays for my temporary high.

That I have a car that gets me to places.

That I have friends and family around who cares and whom I share my laughter with, instead of hoping not to find them buried under the rubbles.

That I have a roof over my head, and that I can snuggle comfortably under the blanket each night not having to worry about the cold.

I am too engrossed in my own life and chasing luxurious dreams, that I forgot to be thankful for what I have, what I have achieved, what I own and what I am today.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I am grateful.

Life is too precious and short to spend it chasing waterfalls.

Cries a river.

2011-03-17T22:41:00.003+08:00

I meant to blog tonight, but I am still rushing for my work which Boss #2 asked me to urgently do (after I got home!) and I don't have my documents with me right now, so I'll just have to make do with whatever I have, and continue early morning tomorrow.

Also, Boss #3 conveniently dumped his work on me, just coz I happened to walk past his work station. Argh. I am contemplating on either reporting him or screw him up or just help him with it, depending on my mood tomorrow. But since I ran out of happy pills, things ain't looking too bright. For him anyway.

I mean, I really don't mind my bosses asking me to do other work, in fact I'm glad that I get appointed to do other work which might broaden my knowledge, but it's just this particular one whom I have no respect for. Respect is earned, not given. And the nerve he has to still say that he will sign it. WAH. Like that he ma chap tou. No need to work yet still get credit. Wait long long lah.

There goes my celebration of St. Patrick's day. Although, I guess I shouldn't need a reason to celebrate.

I meant to watch Vampire Diaries but I am still waiting for my boss' email, so...

...

On second thought, I might just have 40 minutes to spare. =)

Love is ....

2011-03-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

Damon Salvatore! =D

Pictures of you, pictures of me.

2011-03-05T20:25:00.000+08:00

Uncertainties.

2011-03-04T22:45:00.001+08:00

Oh joy.

2011-02-26T21:33:00.004+08:00

Because I haven't actually gone drinking since I came back to KL, I am torn between drinking myself silly, or just chill drinking and save moolah for my bachelorette pad.

But at the rate I'm saving I'll prolly only be able to pay for down payment at the age of 50.

I am finally catching up on my work. And yes, I've been officially exiled to site. Which is good. Phase 1 has started. It's time to turn that workaholic mode on. Let's just hope that it will prove to be worthwhile.

Nothing new with me, so it ends here. =)

Happy weekend.

Not listening when you said goodbye.

2011-02-24T22:12:00.005+08:00

I will eat what is served, and I will not question why.

Because I don't want to exhaust my brain power.

Because I don't want to care anymore.

Because I don't know what I should think, and I don't want to crack my brain thinking how I should think.

Because I rather indulge in the world ruled by my naivety.

Splashes of rainbow.

2011-02-21T00:24:00.011+08:00

!#@#$%$!@#!?

2011-02-20T19:17:00.005+08:00

Today, I realized that I was the biggest fool of all.

They say you shouldn't meddle with fire, and I guess it serves me right that I did.

How could you conveniently dumped all the guilt on me, and led me to believe I deserved it, when you yourself have been going behind my back all these while and played me like a fool?

I am speechless beyond words. I cannot even begin to describe the anger I am feeling. The pain. The hurt. The betrayal.

All I can say is, thank you. You've opened up my eyes.

You fucking lied to my face, and the award goes to you for doing it with a straight face.

Trust no one. I learnt it the hard way.

These tears that are falling? They'll be the last I ever cry for you.

Goodbye.

Paradise.

2011-02-19T18:07:00.004+08:00

The end of Chap Goh Mei.

2011-02-19T00:41:00.003+08:00

I sit here in front of my computer, at approximately 12.41 a.m. on a Friday night, or rather, Saturday morning, feeling damn sleepy yet I refuse to sleep.

I NEED to get rid of these thoughts that are circling around my head. But I refuse to form the angry and confused thoughts into words, because then it'll mean that I have to admit that these feelings I have are true. That they are there. That I really really feel that way, instead of just briefly feeling it in my heart and deluding myself of its non-existence.

I refuse to think that after all that you've said, they just prove to be what they are. Just mere words. Tonight I came to the realization that I WAS RIGHT, however much I don't want myself to be. You might be fooling everyone else, despite me also being one, once upon a time; but, I'm out of your game. If this is how it comes down to, if this is how you want to play your cards, even after all these years, then so be it. Count me out.

Time and time again, I fall back into your sick yo-yo game, despite knowing the consequences.
That, I have no one to blame but my naivety.
The saddest part? I actually cherished you.

But tonight, I'm erasing you away. For good.

Happy Valentine's Day.

2011-02-14T19:16:00.001+08:00

Today, let’s fall in love with the person in the mirror, the one who understands you more than anybody could, the one who loves you just the way you are.

The one who returns your smile in the reflection, the one who automatically erects four solid walls when your heart is in the brink of breaking, the one who slowly creeps behind you in the darkness with the moon as the only source of light.

The one who receives but never takes, the one whose unspoken love keeps you going on lonely nights, the one whose silence speaks louder than words.

We have taken granted of our own heart, and putting it vulnerably out in the open, risking hurt. Today, let’s just take a step back, and love yourself.

Happy Valentine's Day Wilh.

Noon of 6th day of CNY.

2011-02-08T13:10:00.003+08:00

You know you're old when you wake up at 12 regardless of whatever ungodly time you sleep last night. -_-"

I prided in my ability to sleep till late, laughing at my friends who wake up at 8.00a.m. in the morning every single day.

But lookie what happened here. O_+

Hence the heavy eye ~~luggages~~ bags under my eyes.

And yes, I'm still alco-fueled and fat laden.

Time is running out!

I have 5 more days here but I haven't eaten all the food in my checklist except cheng. =/

Only laksa, tomato mee, belachan bee hoon, tu kha peng, char mee at Hui Sing, and kueh chap to go.

Ugh.

Noon of 3rd day of Chinese New Year 2011.

2011-02-05T12:56:00.006+08:00

My Chinese New Year has been fueled with nothing but alcohol and good company.

Suffice to say that that's all I'm asking for, with the exception of the damned camera and possibly more angpows.

But because I am going to buy a new camera, I ain't complaining. And also because I've decided to forgo visiting and gambling, I can bear with less money. =)

Which is ironic considering I am complaining like crazy that I have no money to buy a camera. Aih, I guess I'll put myself under house arrest when I'm back in KL to collect enough moolah. Heh.

WHAT IS WITH ALL THESE CONTRADICTIONS?!

Luckily my friends and I are in the same page about CNY. Somehow we've lost the spirit, which is quite sad because .. well, it's CNY!! Need I say more?

As I put it in 2007, ..

'Can't even feel the vibe anymore, like how we all used to when we were young.

Gone were the days when you look forward to the fabuluous reunion dishes, ang pows, new clothes, fireworks.

As you grow older, there are more problems than solutions, expectations to fulfill, and mistakes are simply intolerable..

Those are the times when you wish you're a kid again.'
God, I wasn't even 20 then and I wrote that?! I must have been living some serious fucked up life. Either that or I was being dramatic.

But the point is, I guess we agreed that it's no longer about the CNY that we look forward to, but more of the much needed break from our hectic life.

Which brings me back to the sad part. Because whatever happened to CNY yo?!

Does every grown up go through this phase? Would CNY just be another day for me as I grow older? Would this mentality of I-need-a-break-from-my-hectic-life stick?

Because I know deep down in me, I would love to look forward to those hearty yoomy reunion dishes, beautiful fireworks, wearing new clothes, receiving (but the tables might possibly turn to me giving instead) angpows, visiting open houses and gambling again.

What happened to me?

NY Recap.

2007 *Click*

2008 *Click* *Click*

2009 *Click*

Countdown to Kuching : 0

2011-02-01T01:11:00.002+08:00

In approximately 24 hours' time, I am most likely to be in a bar in Kuching sipping on Guinness.

But, matter of fact is, I don't feel like going back there at all. Suddenly I feel like I have no reason to go back, other than to see my moomie, granny and brother of course.
It is no longer a place I call home.
I no longer yearn to be back there surrounded by familiar faces and environment.
I am not even tempted by the food that I have been craving for ever since I stepped into KL.
All of these, gone.

Bearing in mind that it used to be a place I call a haven, a place where I used to so eagerly count down the days till I go back and get my hands on that bowl of kolo mee, or cheap booze or just plain good company.

Where did it all go?

The most fundamental existence has perished, therefore what is left?

It's time to close this chapter, and move on to the next.

Maybe someday I'll find it deep within me that tiny pigmentation of hope; that it was never a lost cause, and that I just lost my way and I just needed to find it back.

Till then, Happy Chinese New Year. ;)

2011-01-25T22:50:00.001+08:00

I'm not okay, okay?

Lazy Sunday

2011-01-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

I think it's been a while since I've blogged on Sundays.
Must've been pigging out.

I am fairly out of my mind that I decided to rant here. I mean that's what blogs are for right.
For shallow mindless people to complain how bored they are. Or how work sucks. Or how life sucks. Or how certain colleagues annoys the fuck out of them. Or how their housemates are from Mars.
OR.
To show how happening they are and how much fun they have. And they post up pretty pictures of themselves with their girlfriends, sipping champagne on a cruise, shoving it in your face that they more life than you whilst you silently sulk behind that screen, green with envy, cursing them to bits.
I'M JUST SAYING.

I ran out of things to rant about. I've smoked all I could. Mopped about all I could. Surfed the net all I could. Cracked my brain all I could.
WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO. I need a distraction from the fact that Monday is looming strangely close.
I mean, I could clean the house. Or I could just quietly sit here feeling miserable, dreading the impending doom that is Monday till the time comes when I can have crab for dinner.
Guess which I picked?!

I am beyond saving. =/

Ups and downs.

2011-01-23T00:38:00.003+08:00

Alot has happened to me since the beginning of 2011 I don't even know where to start.
But I guess matters of the heart shall remain unspoken. At least for now.

On much more pressing matters, ..

1. I probably have a new role at the office. It has not been confirmed yet so I shan't jinx myself. But I do hope it happens because then I'm definitely on the right track and progressing faster than expected.
Also, I'm being exiled to site. Heh, means I'm going to be a site QS from February onwards. It's totally cool. =D

2. I'm being evicted out of my house! =/
Okay, maybe not evicted. My boss wanted to move to the apartment behind office so that scrawny can go to work dependently since I'll be based on site from now on. But the apartment looks shabby and run down and the neighborhood doesn't look that secured, so I think I just might stick to my current house. I need to buy a house! T___T

Oh in case you're wondering who scrawny is, she's my new housemate. In comparison to the ex-nightmare housemates, she's an angel! But I said in comparison. Although, I actually have nothing to complain about her lah, other than the annoying flapping sound her house slippers make when she walks down the stairs, or that she doesn't clean the toilet. And too skinny. And too Chinese. Ohwells. O_+

In the span of 23 days of 2011, I've had more than my fair share of ups and downs as compared to previous year. It's like I have a good news, and before I could thoroughly enjoy it, some bad news comes along. It's like wave after wave of things that hit me, that I cannot for a moment, fix my emotions. Should I be happy or should I be sad. That is the question.

23 days down, only 342 more to go.

Where do I put my heart?

2011-01-19T14:35:00.000+08:00

Where do you put your own feelings when so many hearts lie in your hands?
Sometimes I really wish I'm as heartless as I perceive myself to be.

In pursuit of my own happiness, I've disregarded other people's emotions and feelings.
But is it wrong to want to follow my heart? To do things according to what my heart tells me to?
To take that leap of faith even though I am most likely to fall hard?

Since when did everything get so complicated?

There's not a day that goes by that I just wish I could be truly happy, without having to worry, or to feel guilty, or ponder whether I'm making a right choice.

What happened to the good ol' days where I can just be with someone just coz he makes my heart beat a little faster when I look at him, or make the butterflies in my tummy flutter everytime he is by my side?

Why can't I just do something for myself, just this once?
I am so so tired.

Peace.

2011-01-17T12:15:00.003+08:00

2011-01-13T12:33:00.003+08:00

Can you stop giving me shit already? If you cannot take me as I am then get the hell lost!

Give me back my peace of mind.

2011-01-08T16:31:00.002+08:00

There are constellations of incoherent thoughts spinning in my head right now. I wish I could put them into words, but at every attempt to jot them down, to express how I feel, to say what I truly mean, my mind went blank.

I don't understand.
I thought what we had would at least mean something to you. But apparently not, if you could just backlash against me in your miserable attempt to justify my actions into your favour.
Before you try to put the blame on something else other than yourself, trying looking in the mirror. Your actions just prove that I picked the correct choice.
It's high time you grow up.

I wrote that a few days back when ugly stuff happened. I was infuriated, because all you want to do is see the downfall of another, and gloat at it. You don't care what is going through the mind, to know how they feel. But, try put yourself in the their shoes, embrace the feelings, absorb the pain, and you would know that whilst you were sadistically feeding in the misery, nobody actually gives a damn on your worthless opinion. You are nothing but a tiny speck of dust. Simply dismissible.

2011 has yet to prove itself to me. Maybe coz I openly challenged her to give me her best shot therefore I'm suffering the consequences now. =/
I've yet to have a good night's sleep in 2011, what more to say the day itself.
I have so much hope for 2011. Please don't fail me now.

Goodbye 2010~

2010-12-31T15:49:00.004+08:00

Screening through my previous posts for the past year, I'd say I've done alright. ;)
Definitely less drama mama compared to the previous years. And definitely less headache and heartache.

Looking back, it does seem like everything is right on track. I am currently where I planned to be.
Be in KL. Get a job. Get a car. Get a dog. ~~Wait! That definitely wasn't part of the plan.~~ Get a house. Not fall in love with a KL guy. ALL CHECKED! Okay, maybe except the house.

Let's see.
Embarrassed myself last New Year's Eve. Fell out of love. Bought a BB. Lost a friend. Found a drinking buddy. Got hated. Fell in like. Got drunk. Discovered nightmare housemates. Fell in love. Got a surprise birthday party. Found love (and consolation) in Guinness. Lost a drinking buddy. Planned a failed surprise birthday party. Bought a Holga. Found new drinking buddies. Fell out of love. Lost motivation to work. Got drunk. Went Thailand. Fell in like. BB went kapoot. Stuck in deep shit.
Uh-oh. That sounds about right.

So, let bygones be bygones. They are nothing but memories that shape you to who you are today. Put them not in your heart but at the back of your mind, and let's rock 2011!

Work.

2010-12-30T14:01:00.004+08:00

Initially I wanted to blog about 2010, but things took an unexpected turn.
So. Malaysia's football team won the Suzuki-Cup thingamajicky right?
Congratulations! PM announced tomorrow as an official public holiday.

And what do we get?

Still have to go back to work tomorrow. Sometimes, I really wonder. It's already the New Year's Eve. Do they really have to exploit us like this?
Who the fuck has the mood to work on a festive season?
Granted, they reimburse us back with one day of annual leave, but.. The point is, everyone is already out to celebrate New Year's Eve. Nobody in their right state of mind is working their asses off right now (sorry if you're one of 'em).

So yeah, any second thoughts I had about this company has just been eliminated and I hereby confirmed it as a lost cause!

Fucked.

2010-12-26T22:16:00.003+08:00

My relationship (or lack thereof) is in a mess!
It's like a repetition after another.
3 years ain't enough?! Can't you throw me something new for a change?

I don't want anything anymore okay. Just take it all away, and spare me the pain. Thank you.

Just a dream.

2010-12-25T15:06:00.001+08:00

Merry Christmas Eve!

2010-12-24T09:52:00.003+08:00

*Last year's Christmas Eve's Eve, and Christmas itself.

This marks the second Christmas I'll be ~~celebrating~~ in KL.
But I've definitely upgraded from rotting alone at home marathoning on series, to spending it with the alkie friends.
But I think I might wanna keep the tradition on spending Christmas alone, where I get to put on the mask of the Grinch~~ess~~. (Actually I just have nobody to spend it with but let's pretend that's not true.)
But it's been a good Christmas, because I got a super present! Awesome is the person who bought it for me. THANK YOU! =D

This has been the best Christmas yet.

I've been extra clumsy nowadays. It's like all these clumsiness has been collected and reserved all these years, and unleashed all at one go to me now! =/

Went to Midvalley on Wednesday to meet up with Annzian, Justin, Sherms and Sime for dinner and drinks, but I lost my freaking parking ticket. Just last month (or so) I lost my parking ticket at Times Square. =/
Not to mention the time when I fell down outside Zouk. Or how I burnt my hand and foot with the iron. Or opening a car door only to have it rebound and knock me off guard. Or how I accidentally hit a taxi's rear because I was busy complaining in bbm because the driver was being a jackass on the road. Or how I cannot find my camera despite looking for it at every nook and cranny. Or how I unknowingly dropped my wallet in the corner of the car seat and searched the world but couldn't find it, and unnecessarily unleashed my emotional floodgate, only to stumble upon it in the car the next morning?

Why is the world against me? T___T

Owells. Such is life, I suppose.

Merry Christmas, y'all. ;)

2010-12-21T13:51:00.000+08:00

Pic credits to lelove.

I am still looking for the damned camera!

2010-12-19T16:27:00.003+08:00

How do you justify spending RM 3,599 for a semi-dslr camera huh?
At that price I could've gone for a full specs camera me thinks.
But yeah, what do I know about cameras anyway.
But I still want to get it!

Lumix GF-1.

Okay to be honest I just like the damn freaking colour. And also the fact that it is not as bulky as a DSLR.
But I think I shouldn't be that greedy. I mean afterall, I can practically buy a Macbook with RM 3,599. Haha but I don't have RM 3,599 anyways so I think I'll just keep dreaming about first lah.

So last night I slept at close to 4.00 a.m. but I was woken up by Boss #3 at 9.00 a.m. to come in to work ASAP. It's a freaking Sunday for God's sake!
Don't nobody tell beforehand anymore?! What if I was out of town huh? Or hungover? Or still drunk for that matter. -_-
So I said okay I'll try my best ~~and went back to sleep~~. =/
Okay to be fair I did show up at work. Eventually.

And now I'm bored!

Actually, I gotta go tend to a howling beagle. Byeb!

Saturday night

2010-12-18T22:08:00.004+08:00

Attempting to read CNN and BBC on a Saturday night oughta say something about my weekend.
But tonight I'm staying in by choice! =D

Last night was good!
I think I discovered the art of mixing whiskey! If your ratio of whiskey to water is like 2:1, it'll actually taste sweet.
Didn't drink many glasses last night but I think there was too much whiskey. Ugh.
Bottomline is, drink drank (almost) drunk and sobered up. Awesome is I.

I spent the day looking for my camera. Cannot for the life of God remember where I last put it.
D asked whether I put it some where safe, and I said yes. Everywhere in my room is a safe place. Except now I don't remember whether I put it in my room anot lah! But where else would I put it if not my room right? -_- Why is my memory failing me.

I banked on sleeping through out the night at 6.00p.m. (because I have no dinner!!!) but got woken up halfway through by the sudden flood of incoming calls, bbm and messages. O_+
Gave up on it and remembered I've leftover spaghetti (from a few days ago) and heated it up before gobbling everything down in less than 5.
And now I'm bored.

That pretty much sums up my Saturday.

Sometimes I wish I have an artistic side because then I can start doodling and actually come up with something good. But ugh. I've never pursued that direction because I think I'm too technical. Never knew I would actually like art in later age.
Crap.

Okay, back to news reading. =/

It's on like Azerbaijan!

2010-12-17T19:01:00.003+08:00

Yay, guess who's going to Ferry Corsten tonight?
Heh, you don't see me getting so excited seeing him last year.

It's been a hectic week, and today! It was the (not so) final straw. But luckily weekdays are over, and so are my worries! (At least for a few days.)
I'm starting to pick up on my work pace again, and it's a good thing! Albeit still a lost cause, but still a good thing! =D

I got a temporary replacement BB to use, and God forbid, but I think the keypads out there are out to get me or something. The trackball cannot scroll down after first 5 minutes of usage, so can you imagine the horror! Luckily I set everything I wanted on the first row already, so I can still bbm and such. I think I'll have to go back and replace the replacement. UGH.

Mr. Bink went back to Kuching, and so I'm stuck here alone! No chef! I'm gonna die of hunger! T___T

Okay, gotta go get ready! =D

My BB went ICU.

2010-12-13T19:24:00.003+08:00

So.
My bb went kapoot on me.
My keypad went haywire. When I type an alphabet, alot of 'ooooooo's and '++++'s came out. It's like permanently pressed against the keypad or something. At first I thought I was drunk! I was like okay, type slowly. Hahaha, turns out I wasn't that bad lah. Maybe coz my BB was thirsty so it drank some Guinness too. -_-

Sent it to Blue Cube, hoping they'll fix it for me. But it's gonna take 2 working months.
2 freaking working months!!!
At first I was like 'wait.. whaaaaaatttttt?' That is damn fucking long lah!
I've never heard this term before lor. Very foreign to my ears. Coz you know, people always say 3 working days, 7 working days that kindza stuff?
What the fuck am I gonna do for the next 2 months? I already feel lost as it is, and it's been only what.. 1 day? 59 days to go.

So, I'm currently on Ferry Corsten spree because I want to go see him on Friday night! But damn expensive sial. =/
Since didn't make it to Zouk Out to see Guetta. SAD.

Any takers for Friday night? =D

I found!

2010-12-11T15:07:00.005+08:00

A term for my condition - Dermatillomania.

So please excuse me if you see me picking my thumb because I apparently have impulse control disorder.

I have my sleeping time totally wrong! Slept at 11.00 p.m. on a Friday night but slept at 4.00 a.m. on weekdays. WTF.

Either my lifestyle is fucking screwed up or age is catching up on me. Bad news either way.

Christmas is coming! Now is the time to make that obligatory wishlist and hope (against hope) that it will arrive on my doorstep.

1. Ipod nano.

What's your take on conning my moomie to buy this for me huh? Sure helps in drowning the crazy senior who PMS every fucking day at work.

2. New tyre rims.

So, the other day I was picking Justin up to go Zouk, and Ampang area has (for unknown reasons) ALOT of potholes. Then I was casually going over one, when I heard a 'clank' sound. So I looked at my side mirror, and saw my rim cap rolling over the opposite direction onto incoming cars wtf. Obviously got so many cars on the road, cannot stop and get it lah right?

So now not only am I driving a kap cai car, but it actually looks like a kap cai car as well.

I figured I should get proper rims with screws lest if I drive onto potholes again and all of em rim caps just might fall off. Sad life is I.

3. Kindle 2 e-book.

4. A barrel of Guinness to drink at my expense.

At the rate I'm drinking, why not, right? =/

So, yah. Hopefully Santa thinks I've been good this year. =D

View previous wishlists.

It's the freaking weekend baby.

2010-12-04T14:05:00.001+08:00

I just had a staring-match with Chelsea, and that bitch can just look at me for a good full minute before turning away! (And now the whining starts. Maybe because she lost, I don't know? Bitch.) Aih, since I lose in most aspects to her, I'll just gloat at this win of mine lah, although I seriously don't think she knows its significance.

The point is.

Last night I had two diluted pints of Guinness and felt damn sleepy. What happened there? O_+

So I skipped second round and went home to sleep wtf. This is a bad sign of age catching up on me. (Or it could just be a hectic-alco-fueled-week.)

I think I need to slow down a bit, (not that I drink alot, but rather the number of times) because I'm getting very dehydrated and I don't really drink alot of water and I'm kinda worried about my liver. =/

I've heard of stories like how someone's friend's friend spoilt his liver due to excessive drinking and then cannot drink anymore at the tender age of like 25 or so?

THE HORROR!

Can you imagine that? What are you gonna do for the rest of your lives huh? =/

I've upped my cigarette intake (unintentionally) and the alarm bells are ringing in my head! My supplies are running out faster than usual, and I am broke(n)!

Moving on.

The best friend you can find is in alcohol. It's true. Never fails to make you happy, reliable, accessible anytime anywhere. Drowns your sorrow and misery, provides happiness, and for that short moment in time, you've no worries and care for the world. Nothing else matters but you. There's no burden on your shoulders, there's no aches in your heart, there are no problems running circles in your head. You are numb, you are oblivious, and every other thing is insignificant. For that short moment in time, you are you. Minus the bad, plus the happy.

Awesome or what.

...

I'm lacking inspiration and motivation to do anything.

Crap, if only I am so passionate about everything else as I am about drinking.

Woe is me.

2010-11-27T16:39:00.002+08:00

I'm amidst transferring all my stuff from the jail cell to the bigger room because I've a new housemate coming in tomorrow.
Serves me right for procrastinating for so long.

I came to KL in 2 luggages, and I've no freaking idea how come I end up with so much stuffs! =/

So anyways, last night someone asked me, "So, what's after Guinness?"
Good question, no answer.

What IS after Guinness?
I had a debate about money is the key to happiness. For me, it is. But only temporary. I could be sporting some designer bags and clothes, drive some funkyass car, fine dine wine everyday. But then WHAT?
What do I get out of it but feeling good for that 3-4 hours?
I don't want to be doing all this shitz and working my ass off for money and in the end it's not what I want. But let's face it. Money is important. Regardless of what you say. We do all kinda shitz for money. Not because money is everything, but because everything is money. It is a man-eat-man world out there. We gotta do what we gotta do to survive.

So, the question remains. What do you want, Wilh? What do you want in your future? Because no matter what it is, you won't be getting at the rate and mentality you're going now.

Oh dear. I think I'm in deep shit.

Pushing the limit.

2010-11-26T10:11:00.004+08:00

Last week has been an emotional turmoil for me. I was so fed up and sick of the world, I was angsty and I was grouchy.
I've never felt my mood swing this bad before, so I kinda shocked myself.
I thought it was because I opened up my emotional gateway the weekend before, hence I was feeling the aftermath of the supposed suppressed feelings.
But no.
IT'S THE DAMNED HORMONES DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING HATE IT!

So yah, I've succumbed to being the crazy PMS bitch.

But now that I'm clear headed, I'm almost afraid to take my next step.

2010-11-22T12:52:00.000+08:00

Can you guys like, stop dumping your problems at me and cut me some fucking slack?
God! In case you haven't noticed, you're not the only one with problems okay!
I'm tired. Can I rest my brain please?

Lost.

2010-11-16T09:58:00.005+08:00

I've lost my inspiration to work. Maybe coz I've never recovered from my holiday blues, I don't know?
What I enjoyed most about work is, the coffee and news reading early in the morning, plus cigarette to boot. After that, all just went downhill. =/

Some things are hard to let go. Especially when you're not ready to give it up, yet it was ripped away from you against your will, right in front of your very eyes?
What do you do then, when your most fundamental trust was betrayed?
How is it possible to get it back? To let it go? To close this chapter?

But then again, what will clinging onto the past and memories do, other than holding you back?
I am unwilling, But there is nothing I could do.

No, this is not admitting defeat. This is me succumbing to my fate.
But wait. It ain't over yet.

Stop.

2010-11-12T17:12:00.001+08:00

Guess who's back?!

2010-11-09T14:17:00.003+08:00

Eh, wrong place!

Yes I am back! Did anyone miss me?!
...
..
.
No?

Owells. =/

Bai bai Malaysia!

2010-11-04T10:23:00.001+08:00

Hello Thailand!

Sun, beach, shopping; wait me up!

=D

Paranoia.

2010-11-03T16:23:00.003+08:00

Seeps into your blood.
Coursing through your veins.
Polluting your heart.
Consuming you as it flows.

In the end.. what is left of you is merely residue of what could have been.

Housekeeping.

2010-10-31T17:43:00.002+08:00

There's no exercise like spring cleaning. Ugh.

I hate cleaning!

It'll never be 100% clean, I don't know why?

Luckily I'm not OCD else I won't ever stop cleaning.

I've swept, mopped and swept the floor, and it still feels grainy. WTF?

Dear dust, can you like just disappear, say forever? GrRr.

There's more tidying to go, but I've ran out of fuel. =/

On a more serious note, Sunday's almost over! *cries a river*

I didn't even get to savor my weekend, well, except having a few pints of Guinness last night.

So it's all good I guess. =P

Easily contented is what I am!

Okay, gotta get back to cleaning!

Guess who I got to tend the garden? =D

2010-10-29T14:00:00.000+08:00

False pretense.

2010-10-27T10:17:00.001+08:00

I feel the need to jot down the incoherent thoughts spinning in my head into words, but sadly I could never potray them exactly how I feel.

Sometimes, well make that most of the time, I don't get me.
Why do I act the way I do?
Why do I do things even though I know they are not right?
Why do people make mistakes and learn from it?
Why don't God just make people perfect and fine and dandy?
Why do we have to fall and pick ourselves up, and sometimes alone at that?

If you answer, so that when we fall, we learn. That's what life is about. To feel, learn, change and grow; then get this.
People won't miss things that they don't know. You won't crave for it if you initially didn't have the opportunity to experience it.
For instance, now, do you think you can live without the Internet? Or your Blackberry? Or TV?
No?
Then how did the cavemen do it? They never had any entertainment. Who's to say they were bored all their lives?
Your dependency won't grow if it was never born right?

Having said that, what if God made people perfect, and we never knew what imperfection meant, hence there is no need of wanting to feel pain or love or just something to feel more human?
How would the world be?

Yes, I guess you could say that we would be a bunch of robots.
But if a bunch of robots, living harmoniously in the world, what's so bad about that?

Closure.

2010-10-25T14:00:00.002+08:00

Recently, someone asked me, 'Have you asked yourself, what is it that you're waiting for?'

That is a very good question, I'll give you that.

About that How to Live A Life Manual 101, I think I need it RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

Suppose

2010-10-21T13:51:00.017+08:00

Suppose, that I miss you
Suppose, that I care.

And suppose that I spent all my nights running scared
And suppose that I was never there.

In my eyes I'm screaming for a sight of you
And tonight I'm dreaming of all the things that we've been through.

And I can't hold on to you
So I guess I'll be lonely too.

Suppose we were happy
Suppose it was true.

And suppose there were cold nights but we found that waiting through
And suppose that I'm nothing without you.

Slow way down
This break downs eating me alive.

And I'm tired
This fire's fighting to survive.

Tell me a secret
Tell me a story.
I'll listen intensively, I'll stay awake all night
All of me is a whisper.

There's nothing left in me
Not even my body is strong enough to fight
Please help me make this right.

Suppose that I was wrong
Suppose you were here.

And suppose that I reached out and caught your tears
And suppose this fight just disappeared.

Picture credits to : Google.
Song : Suppose, by Secondhand Serenade.
Got the inspiration when I stumbled onto a random blog. =D

Rat-a-tat-tat!

2010-10-20T10:34:00.003+08:00

Any remaining self disciplined left for work today has been scared off by the constant ongoing noise polution happening next door we call.. hacking. UGH!
It doesn't help that I am already generally disinterested in working. I think I have to think of an alternative career path, coz obviously cannot whine about my work for the next 30 years!

I just realised that it is much easier to work with the constant rat-tat-tat sound than to compose a post because, I don't actually have to think?
And also, it worries me that the hacking is just next door, and we are separated by just 225mm thick brickwall and 25mm plastering (give or take), and they are edging in closer as we speak!
What if the brickwall just decides to collapse.. On my side nonetheless?!

I THINK I have to do something about this paranoia of mine. It is driving me crazy.
And also, I've just stuffed tissue into my ears in hopes of reducing the damage to my ear drums.
(See what I mean by paranoia?)

Do you know what I hate?
Coming out of meetings! Because inevitably, I always come out with additional workload to my already sky-high pile.
If only I can curb this laziness then all would be fine and dandy.
But aih, easier said than done.

Lazy Sunday

2010-10-17T17:22:00.002+08:00

Ohayo.

It's Sunday again. =/

I'm running out of things to complain about Sundays coz it's kinda redundant duncha think?

In my miserable attempt to squeeze my brain juice to fill up this space, and in between lighting up cigarettes after another and craving for another cup of coffee in hopes of willing something, anything interesting to complain and whine about, I've come to the conclusion that one, I lead one sad sad boring life, and two, I'm addicted to all things bad.

And my tooth still hurts especially when I just wake up coz I tend to unconsciously grind my teeth.

And I stepped onto a nail whilst walking on site on Thursday, but that is purely out of negligence and ignorance on my part. And resulting in a hole on my ballet shoes. I guess this calls for reason to shop. =D

So I quickly went to get my tetanus shot before my paranoia grows, resulting in placebo effect. And I haven't been taking my anti-biotics, but what else is new. Sigh.

Okay, that's all for today. Till when I feel more rajin again, tata!

Toothache. =/

2010-10-16T17:13:00.003+08:00

Just did my template. This will have to do for now. I'm getting lazy.

Update : TOOTHACHE!
Oh dear God doesn't my wisdom tooth know that I have no more space for it to come out anymore?
Fucked up max.
And I won't be visiting the dentist till after my Thailand trip because I don't plan on getting my tooth extracted before that and miss all the yoomy foodies. Ugh. Have I mentioned I'm also deathly afraid of dentists? They are the freakiest thing ever I tell you. Bunch of sadists they are! Uh-huh. *nods*

So, any ideas how to cease the pain? T__T

Monday blues. AGAIN.

2010-10-11T17:04:00.001+08:00

Show me some mclovin' Monday!

Life is like a box of chocolate.

2010-10-09T16:25:00.000+08:00

Yeah right. *scoffs*
How is it in any relation at all?
I cannot for the life of God, and also my education for the past.. say 15 years get that logic in my head. But then again, I wasn't exactly a model student either, so.. *shrugs*

Life is like a box of chocolate, because.. (I'm gonna attempt to fill in the blanks.)
1. You would already know how it would taste like, because you've chosen that box yourself?
2. You never know if you're going to pick an expired box.
3. You're going to taste the exquisite and defined aroma of the chocolate, and then poof, gone! Want more, fats more.
(I'm getting the hang of this!)
4. It is dark! It is sweet! It is bittersweet!
5. You know how chocolate with alcohol contents will always make you happier! =D

Oh I give up. I'm either too cynical or bitter.

Have you found Wilh?

2010-10-04T14:34:00.004+08:00

Here I am again, clouded with the centuries old question that has boggled mankind ever since its existance.
Why is Wilh so lazy?
God I'm conceited.

I need to save moolah. My bank is officially dried up from all the splurging of unnecessary clothing that I would probably never wear, or never have the time or occasion to wear, simply coz I always revert to my old style of clothing. My tiny cupboard is bursting out with clothes, and I am no longer able to dig for clothes without having to spill some out. Which would also explain why I've always worn the same type of clothes out on every other weekend because I probably have something pretty I've forgotten about, buried underneath the massive pile.

In my defense, I don't think I have that much of a clothes compared to most people, it's just that .. It's just that I wanna whine. Can?

I'm feeling a litttttle melancholic, as of say.. half an hour ago?

All these questions about life, but no definite answers.
I do wish I have a manual. How to live a life 101.
Wouldn't that be great.
Ugh.